As single ladies try’na make our way in the post-college dating world, the blog’s resident cartoonist/editor (we’re going to refer to her as “Doodles” from this point on) and I recently decided to jump on a bullish new hipster bandwagon, which is not only free but also incredibly addicting. In other words we created profiles on OkCupid— the dating website of our generation.
When I joined OkCupid at the start of the summer, I had just returned from college and was living at my parent’s house in the suburbs. Accustomed to more or less guaranteed run-ins with my hookups and/or crushes at campus parties every weekend, I was suddenly feeling utterly clueless about how to make contact with dudes (not counting the ones making cat-calls to me on my way to work every day). So the prospect of regular dates, which I could choose from a virtually unlimited pool of guys on OkCupid, was a dream for me. I could actually have guys take me out to dinner and romance me instead texting me at 2am for no strings attached sex? Count me in!
My first few weeks of OkCupid dates were simultaneously thrilling, overwhelming, nerve-racking, and at times super awkward. Barring a few initial flubs (which, I’m told, are par for the OkCupid dating course) it wasn’t long before I began meeting some decent, well meaning guys, one of whom was mentioned in a recent post (cough coughMr. Sterilecough cough). I could spend a LOT of time describing the variety of guys I met and went on dates with— dudes with questionable sexualities, sexy times that were totally hawt (I can’t believe he found my clit on the first try!), and disappointing /lackluster endings. But right now I’d like to look at the big picture and talk about the pros and cons of online dating.
Last weekend, a guy I had been on five dates with (I’ll call him “The V”) called me up with a confession that in my opinion was slightly overdue. Although we’d had a good time togetherI was the first girl he had dated since his 5 year relationship had ended and he just wasn’t ready to get serious with me at this time. I couldn’t say I was totally surprised; just a week earlier I’d complained to my friends about our awkwardly silent fooling around session which had left me with a pretty strong gut feeling that there was no real romantic future for this sweet, goofy guy and myself. Even so, I was feeling pretty dejected, not to mention wholly unenthusiastic about the fact that I would have to go back trolling around OKC for guys that were A) Over 6 feet tall B) Attractive C) Had similar interests to me. And it wouldn’t stop there! It would take another two weeks for [insert new guy’s name] and I to have the obligatory “do I really want to meet this person?” message exchange and then five or six more dates before we’d know if the relationship had any long term potential. I could be in relationship dating limbo for another two months and goddammit I was tired of it all!
Naturally, I called Doodles after I hung up with “The V” and lamented to her about my dilemma. We vented to one another for a while about our frustration with OkCupid, which eventually led us to have an important realization: while dating through OkC makes it easier for you to meet someone with similar interests/outlook on life, it nevertheless lacks a certain key element that’s automatically built into real world dating— the guarantee of face to face, pulse poundin’, sweaty palmin’ PHYSICAL CHEMISTRY. While you can get a good idea of what a guy looks like (provided he’s represented himself honestly!), learn about his hobbies and perhaps exchange witty anecdotes about your daily routines, it’s important to realize that you still don’t REALLY know who this person is. The impression of a person that you build up in your head prior to meeting them is an INTERPRETATION which you’ve created by piecing together what information you have and filling in the rest of the blanks with your IMAGINATION. When you meet them in person, there will be disparities between your impression of the person and the actual person, guaranteed!
While we’re focusing on OkC’s negative aspects, it can also be pretty unsettling to think that since OkC offers an endless supply of willing singles, the person you’re on a date with/have been on a few dates with is more likely than not still chatting with, dating, or planning to date other people in addition to you. Of course, this is completely allowed; I’ve been guilty of it once myself (once I got home from a date in the afternoon only to immediately begin getting ready for an evening date with another guy). While OkC daters have every right to “play the field,” so to speak, it just doesn’t seem natural to me to be dating multiple people at once. Regardless of how you plan, at the very best you’re only devoting a quarter of your attention to someone who could potentially be great for you, and at the worst you’re spreading yourself too thin and setting yourself up for major disappointment when all of them don’t work out. Whew! I guess what I’m really trying to say is that I’m completely burnt out by online dating. I’m sick of having 3 first dates in one week or juggling two guys at once only to have both prospects fizzle out. My ego and spirit can’t take it anymore!
So, for a change of pace, Doodles and I have decided to take on a CHALLENGE to go old school, and start reaching out to real live people! (GASP!) We’re going to put ourselves out there to meet a guy in our neighborhood, out on the town, or while stalking dogs at the dog park (please let this happen to me!). Of course, there’s no “right” way to do this, but that’s kind of why it’s fun. I for example am going to make a concerted effort to maybe approach the cutie on a park bench reading that book I love, or go up to that guy at my favorite café and finally say, “Hi, we’ve been making awkward eye contact for the past 10 minutes, so I thought I’d come over and say ‘Hello.’” Now, we know this plan isn’t foolproof— it’s far from it. The only thing we’ll definitely have in our favor is an immediate attraction to the person and possibly a favorite hangout out or reading material in common. But that’s more than we’ll have with a random guy from OkCupid, and it’s a change of pace that I think is much needed in my glamorous single life.
We’ll give you updates and results as we go. While I have confidence in my one-liners and infectious smile, I’m still completely terrified of being turned down or a guy saying, “uhh, I’m married.” But if that’s the worst that can happen, then I guess I don’t have that much to lose. This is how basically everybody over the age of 30 met (and fell in love) back in the day and I think it would do us all some good to give it a try.
